When I talk with women (and men) who want to travel solo or have already traveled solo, besides questions of safety (a conversation for another time), another popular question is about loneliness and how to talk with strangers while traveling.
[tweetshare tweet=”Traveling by myself is that it has made me more outgoing. ” username=”myadventuresnow”]
I’ve had some good luck in Bermuda (here and here) and also in Costa Rica (here). Those conversations are dear to me, because I’ve come to know, in somewhat intimate ways, stories from other travelers. And their experiences give me topics to reflect on in my journal and in my own travels.
I hope these tips on talking with strangers while traveling is helpful, and makes travel less daunting.
As a journalist, I have a lot of practice talking to everyday people on the street, and it wasn’t easy in the beginning — and sometimes my conversation starters aren’t perfect. But I do know this, every one I’ve ever talked with welcomed the conversation. I’ve never been scoffed at or looked at with pity, if that’s one of your worries.
I will start with this.
[tweetshare tweet=”Respect is a universal language; a polite smile goes a long way.” username=”myadventuresnow”]
In a way, the techniques used to talk with strangers are similar to what you would do when meeting someone new — first dates, work parties, networking events.
1. Food / Recommendations
This one is my go-to. I usually sit at the bar next to friendly faces, smile, and eventually ask about their order. “That looks so good, what is it?” Something like that starts a dialogue.
If I’m sitting alone, I like to ask the server what he/she recommends. When someone takes ownership over your order, it’s always delicious. Universally, everyone likes to be asked for their opinion and be given advice. I always appreciate it when someone wants to hear my thoughts, and so do others. Plus, who doesn’t like discussing food?
2. Compliment
This one’s easy to use, in line, on a bus, anywhere you’d like some conversation. Often times, we think nice thoughts; we notice things about other people, and hold these silent compliments. Say them.
I’ll think to myself, “I love the colors on her luggage.” But as we’re standing next to each other on the carousel, I realize, I didn’t say anything out loud. I’ve made it a point now to vocalize the positive thoughts in my head. After all, if you have nice things to say, why wouldn’t the other person want to hear it?
One time we were in line at customs and I saw the cutest infant. It’s easy to tell parents how adorable their baby is, ask the age, and this time, I was curious about the baby’s passport. Silly me, I had no idea babies needed baby passports. The parents ended up showing a bunch of people their baby’s passport, so that paid it forward for other conversation to follow.
3. Ask questions:
Once you remark on something in front of you, you can transition to questions. I feel more comfortable asking questions because listening is more interesting to me. I learn more that way. But if people ask me questions, I’ll answer and help in any way I can.
So after you comment on something — anything — you can start with a true statement followed by a question, “I’ve never been here before… has your family traveled around for a while? I was looking for some more places to see and eat, do you have any recommendations?” I promise you, people will have recommendations. And if they don’t, and they tell you how awful some spots are, thank them for giving you a warning. It works either way.
This opens up for more questions, and sharing stories is a great way to pass time by.
I once chatted with a man while we were waiting at a bus stop; he told me all about this parrot.
4. Make a comment on what’s in front of you
Joke, if you need to. Sometimes it’s obvious. People are sitting near me at a beach. Maybe I have a book, a journal, or I’m quietly admiring the sunset.
It’s worth noting, everyone else is too.
A simple, “It’s so beautiful,” can start a conversation; no one’s going to think your comment about the scenery is somehow offensive and wouldn’t respond.
While at the Crystal Caves in Bermuda, I asked to hold one of the giant Crystals. I laughed and made a quick joke to a few people standing by (since they were already looking), “I’m going to need some muscle power for this one; I’ll be mortified if I dropped it.”
A few people chuckled, then they asked me how bad it was and if it’s worth their time to also hold the heavy Crystal. It was 50 lbs. So I laughed and said, “Just be prepared.” We all smiled.
Conversations don’t exactly have to be lengthy, but when I’m traveling alone, it’s nice to reach out, even if just for a bit. It’s also a great way to ask more questions.
5. Wear something unique
This will also help people be less shy.
This happened today in the elevator in my apartment complex. I live on the top floor, so sometimes it’s a long ride down with someone. The silence can be fine at times; other times, breaking the ice makes the ride in the elevator more comfortable.
During a harsh rainstorm, a neighbor and I walked in the elevator soaked. The friendly man commented on how bad it was outside. The weather seems to be almost such a cliché topic, it’s funny. But it works.
Today, I wore my Tufts University sweatshirt (go Jumbos) and a woman remarked she took her daughter on a tour there. This one definitely comes to my advice in the beginning – smile. At times the advice to smile seems like a double-standard because women are told to smile more than men. Regardless, it’s still a great way to start a conversation with someone, within reason. I actually bought my sun-hat (below) from New York City. Enough people remarked on the hat — and that started conversations too.
Bonus: This one seems to make my friends nervous, but as a solo traveler I like this one. Thought it takes a little bit more oomph. If I see some people struggling to take photos of each other — maybe they have to take photos of each other separately or they’re having trouble fitting everyone into a selfie, I usually ask to help. Then, I can use any of the above, and it’s also nice to help strangers. And, if I need help, I might even ask if they can take my photo since I don’t otherwise have anyone to take my photo.
The adventure continues,
